Ok. So we didn't know how to share this but we knew that we wanted people to know. So I decided to write a blog post about it. I haven't written here in a long time. Too busy. This is hard so please bear with me. I am sorry if you are family and had to find out on here. It is hard for us to call people.
We found out yesterday morning that I was having a miscarriage and we had lost the baby. The I would have been 9 weeks and 4 days. The baby stopped developing around 6 weeks. Shad and I are devestated. We had know we were pregnant before we could even test to confirm. We were so excited. Last weekend I took out all my maternity clothes, and now I have to put them all away. I took my first baby bump picture the other day. Now I realize that when I took it my baby was no longer growing.
We were so in love. Picking out names and figuring out the new things we would have to buy. Now we have to figure out how to explain to our 3 year old that the baby in my tummy is gone.
We didn't know this baby for long but we were already so in love. It kills me that we won't meet this baby in this life.
Luckily I am not in tons of physical pain. We don't know why this happened. We just know that sometimes it happens and that it was nothing we did.
We needed people to know. I didn't want people to bring it up and feel bad when I had to tell them the baby was gone. But please don't feel like you have to never bring it up. As I post this please remember that we are still dealing with the loss and while I wasn't pregnant for long please keep your words kind because since we knew we were pregnant from the very begining I feel like I had been pregnant for much longer.
The best thing right now is to pray for us. For healing and that our hearts don't hurt so much.
Thursday, January 22, 2015
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Mean Muggin'
Today Charlie and I went out to get a coffee with a friend of mine and her daughter. While we were there the kids were playing. Not running around and being wild just sitting in a high chair and a stroller; playing with some toys and every once in awhile Charlie would let out a squeal of delight at something. Which in turn sometimes caused my friends daughter to also squeal. They were not mad and I would try to tell Charlie not scream and put my hand on his mouth but I don't feel like telling him not to make happy noises is a good thing. Besides telling an eight month old to not squeal is like telling the sun not to shine...it doesn't really work. But I try. During our time there a man kept giving us dirty looks. My friend said sorry they are being noisy but they don't really know better. The man said that we should though. REALLY?? I mean they are kids! What did he want us to do? We have just as much of a right to be out in a coffee shop as everyone else! Our kids were not being bad, not crying, not running around and they are little! Charlie is only 8 months old and doesn't realize that squealing in the coffee shop isn't really appropriate.
I understand that people want to get out of the office and might need a change of scene; but don't go into a busy coffee shop and expect it to be quiet! Go to the library. Because believe me as much as you need a change of scene that stay at home mom probably needs it more.
So next time you go out and feel like you need to give dirty looks to a parent and their kid; remember: that parent KNOWS their kid is being loud. They don't need your dirty looks to let them know. Also there is a difference in kids being "happily" loud and screaming their heads off. And every kid is different. Some are vocal and some are not. So don't make the parents of vocal kids feel bad for needing a break and some time away from the house.
And please don't give me the whole "if they had kids they would understand" because when I didn't have kids I understood and I have met people with kids who don't understand as well. I think it comes down to people just being mean. I always try to be respectful of the fact that I am in public and people might not want to hear my baby being loud but please keep in mind that I can't always keep my baby perfectly quiet. So please try to refrain from shooting me dirty glances.
I understand that people want to get out of the office and might need a change of scene; but don't go into a busy coffee shop and expect it to be quiet! Go to the library. Because believe me as much as you need a change of scene that stay at home mom probably needs it more.
So next time you go out and feel like you need to give dirty looks to a parent and their kid; remember: that parent KNOWS their kid is being loud. They don't need your dirty looks to let them know. Also there is a difference in kids being "happily" loud and screaming their heads off. And every kid is different. Some are vocal and some are not. So don't make the parents of vocal kids feel bad for needing a break and some time away from the house.
And please don't give me the whole "if they had kids they would understand" because when I didn't have kids I understood and I have met people with kids who don't understand as well. I think it comes down to people just being mean. I always try to be respectful of the fact that I am in public and people might not want to hear my baby being loud but please keep in mind that I can't always keep my baby perfectly quiet. So please try to refrain from shooting me dirty glances.
Sunday, July 15, 2012
A 7th month update
Wow...I am really bad at keeping up with this whole blog thing! Charlie is now almost 7 months old! Last time I wrote he was only 10 weeks! So much has happened with him that I don't know where to begin.
Probably the biggest accomplishment for him yet is that he is now mobile. He is crawling and pulling himself up of stuff. He is always so proud of himself when he has pulled up on the couch or a box. He just looks around smiling. It has also been much easier now that he can sit up and likes to play on his own for a bit. It provides me with a little break to do something on my own. Even if that means I just get to make me some lunch. Sometime it is only 10 minutes but I take what I can get. But at the same time his new "trick" also brings along all sorts of new bumps and such, since he has not yet learned how to control how to not fall and hurt himself. And how do babies always manage to find the one hard thing in the area to hit their head on?
Charlie also said dada to Shad the other day. (I think that made Shad pretty happy) He does lots of "talking" now. But when he is really excited he squeals! He just gets so excited when he sees his friends. Or if someone is walking behind us. He gets a real kick out of that. It is the simple things in life. :)
We have also switched to cloth diapers. I really like it. Shad and I decided that we wanted to give them a try so we could save money and it is also better for the environment. It can cost a little more to get started on cloth but once you have a stash built up it really saves you money. Plus they have such cute little fluffy butts!
It is so fun watching Charlie learn new things. He will quite often just sit there looking at something and touching things to feel the texture or look at the designs and colors of something. He is a very curious child.
Food has been probably the most difficult thing we have started with him. It is always a big struggle getting him to put those first couple bites in his mouth. Usually after the first bite he likes it but it is always so hard to get him to want to try. I guess he is not as curious about food as he is about everything else. I hope he isn't a picky eater like me.
And even though I have this great son who it perfectly healthy and wonderful, I still find myself wondering if I am a good mom and constantly comparing myself to other moms and thinking "I should be doing that with Charlie" "Maybe I shouldn't have done this or that..." "how do I not know how to feed my child?" "Why does no one else seem to have trouble with this?" "Maybe so and so is a better parent than me..." I am sure all moms think this and doubt their skills as a mom at some point but being a parent is hard! You always hope you are making the right decisions for your kids. But I am doing the best I can and constantly have to remind myself that I am the best mom for Charlie. If someone else was supposed to be God wouldn't have given him to me. No mom could love him more than I do.
Speaking of parents...Charlie sure LOVES his dad. He does a lot of his firsts for Shad. Shad has always been home for all of his firsts. Charlie's first laugh was for Shad and his first word was dada. He is always excited when Shad comes home from work. Charlie couldn't have been blessed with a better dad.
Oh and he learned to wave. Which is awfully cute but naturally won't do it if you want him to.
Hopefully it won't take me another 5 months to get a post in but we will see!
Probably the biggest accomplishment for him yet is that he is now mobile. He is crawling and pulling himself up of stuff. He is always so proud of himself when he has pulled up on the couch or a box. He just looks around smiling. It has also been much easier now that he can sit up and likes to play on his own for a bit. It provides me with a little break to do something on my own. Even if that means I just get to make me some lunch. Sometime it is only 10 minutes but I take what I can get. But at the same time his new "trick" also brings along all sorts of new bumps and such, since he has not yet learned how to control how to not fall and hurt himself. And how do babies always manage to find the one hard thing in the area to hit their head on?
Charlie also said dada to Shad the other day. (I think that made Shad pretty happy) He does lots of "talking" now. But when he is really excited he squeals! He just gets so excited when he sees his friends. Or if someone is walking behind us. He gets a real kick out of that. It is the simple things in life. :)
We have also switched to cloth diapers. I really like it. Shad and I decided that we wanted to give them a try so we could save money and it is also better for the environment. It can cost a little more to get started on cloth but once you have a stash built up it really saves you money. Plus they have such cute little fluffy butts!
It is so fun watching Charlie learn new things. He will quite often just sit there looking at something and touching things to feel the texture or look at the designs and colors of something. He is a very curious child.
Food has been probably the most difficult thing we have started with him. It is always a big struggle getting him to put those first couple bites in his mouth. Usually after the first bite he likes it but it is always so hard to get him to want to try. I guess he is not as curious about food as he is about everything else. I hope he isn't a picky eater like me.
And even though I have this great son who it perfectly healthy and wonderful, I still find myself wondering if I am a good mom and constantly comparing myself to other moms and thinking "I should be doing that with Charlie" "Maybe I shouldn't have done this or that..." "how do I not know how to feed my child?" "Why does no one else seem to have trouble with this?" "Maybe so and so is a better parent than me..." I am sure all moms think this and doubt their skills as a mom at some point but being a parent is hard! You always hope you are making the right decisions for your kids. But I am doing the best I can and constantly have to remind myself that I am the best mom for Charlie. If someone else was supposed to be God wouldn't have given him to me. No mom could love him more than I do.
Speaking of parents...Charlie sure LOVES his dad. He does a lot of his firsts for Shad. Shad has always been home for all of his firsts. Charlie's first laugh was for Shad and his first word was dada. He is always excited when Shad comes home from work. Charlie couldn't have been blessed with a better dad.
Oh and he learned to wave. Which is awfully cute but naturally won't do it if you want him to.
Hopefully it won't take me another 5 months to get a post in but we will see!
 |
| oh yeah...he is a Dr now too. |
Saturday, February 25, 2012
10 weeks
My sweet little Charlie is 10 weeks old today and today is the first day that I have felt in 10 weeks that I can do something that isn't holding my baby or cleaning my house. It is nice to finally be able to write in my blog again. I am finally starting to feel like I am getting back to my old self after having a baby. I guess I shouldn't say "my old self" since I will never be the same now that I am a mom. Everything I do now revolves around Charlie. Don't get me wrong. I don't mind and I LOVE being a mom. It is just nice to have a few minutes to do something that I want to do and not something that needs to be done while the baby sleeps.
It has been so long since I have written in my blog that I don't really know what to say. I guess I will start by saying that being a mom is hard. When I was pregnant I imagined holding my sleeping baby and being able to soothe all his cries. That image was shattered when I brought Charlie home and he wouldn't eat and was screaming because he was so hungry. There were nights that he would just cry and cry. I didn't know what to do and felt very helpless. Since those early weeks of having him home Charlie and I have gotten the hang of breastfeeding. He has also learned the night time is for sleeping and daytime is for playing. Being a mom has gotten easier but it seems everyday brings new challenges. No one tells you that it is going to be hard. It would have been nice to know that it is not all daisies and roses. That way I could have been mentally prepared. Luckily for me I have a wonderful husband that was there to help me through those tough times even if it just ment he was there to put his arm around my while Charlie and I were just crying. I don't know how people can do it alone because I was so grateful to have that support.
Even though being a mom is harder than I expected it to be I wouldn't change one minute about it. I love waking up each morning to a smiley baby, holding him as he snuggles up on me for a nap, and being able watch him discover new things everyday.
It is amazing how life changes when you become a parent. But it is a good change. It makes my life more meaningful. It is amazing how much love I have had for my son from the moment they put him on my chest. I loved him when he was in my tummy but I didn't realize how much I loved him till I was holding him in my arms for the first time.
Alright so enough of all the mushy stuff....since I have had Charlie I have been thinking of all the funny things that come along with being a parent so I thought I would share some of them.
You know have kids when:
- you find crumbs on your newborn because you only eat while holding them.
- get excited when your baby finally poops after being constipated.
- you have to choose between eating and taking a shower.
- you bounce or sway...even if you aren't holding the baby.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
The funny thing about being pregnant....
Once you become pregnant it seems to become open season for everyone, especially people you don't know, to tell you how you will feel, what you will experience, and everything in between. Some of it is good and some of it can make you a little uncomfortable (especially when it comes from strangers) I know all you other moms out there can relate to this. But oddly enough it seems to be something that we all forget as we are giving the "advice" away like it is free gold. I have been told that I was "too big" and then a month later I was "too small" and constantly I hear "just you wait...it'll happen." That one usually comes after something about how I will feel or should expect because it happened to them. I am pretty good at just ignoring people's "advice" because in reality everyone's pregnancy is different. Everyone's labor is different. I found that most things people said would happen to me didn't. I am so blessed to have a had an enjoyable pregnancy where all the good things outweigh the bad.
Now I don't want people thinking that I am the kind of person that thinks I don't need any help or that I think I know everything about being pregnant; because I certainly do not! I actually love getting advice! I just don't like getting it from people who don't know me or when I didn't ask for it. If I have a question I ask. But mainly I have never liked when people tell me how I should feel about something. I have always been that way. I have never liked when a person has told me what my feelings should be. But at the same time I know that everyone loves babies and just wants to share in this exciting time. Sometimes I think I have even been used at a "surrogate" for other grandparents who can't be close to their own kids who are expecting as well. Honestly I am ok with that aspect of it because I love to talk about being pregnant and the excitement of having my son. So I try not to let my pregnancy hormones get the best of me and get unnecessarily frustrated. Sometimes I am successful.
Now that I don't work and am not in a public setting 5 days a week it doesn't happen much anymore. Every once in a while a cashier will inform me of some sort of pregnancy/labor advice they think I can't live without.
So now that I am 2 days past my due date people are getting anxious. Everyday people want to be updated about how things are coming along. I find this to be pretty hard because even though I know everyone is just excited to meet my son I don't think people realize that I am excited to meet him as well. (actually I can pretty much guarantee that Shad and I are most excited!) So it is hard for me to answer everyday multiple times that nothing has changed and there are no signs of him making his debut anytime soon.
Hopefully soon though Charlie will decide the time is right and he is ready to come meet his family! Then we can move onto strangers giving me their parenting advice. :)
As a friend once said to another friend of mine. "Don't worry he is just waiting for his birthday!" ( I just wish I knew when it was!)
Now I don't want people thinking that I am the kind of person that thinks I don't need any help or that I think I know everything about being pregnant; because I certainly do not! I actually love getting advice! I just don't like getting it from people who don't know me or when I didn't ask for it. If I have a question I ask. But mainly I have never liked when people tell me how I should feel about something. I have always been that way. I have never liked when a person has told me what my feelings should be. But at the same time I know that everyone loves babies and just wants to share in this exciting time. Sometimes I think I have even been used at a "surrogate" for other grandparents who can't be close to their own kids who are expecting as well. Honestly I am ok with that aspect of it because I love to talk about being pregnant and the excitement of having my son. So I try not to let my pregnancy hormones get the best of me and get unnecessarily frustrated. Sometimes I am successful.
Now that I don't work and am not in a public setting 5 days a week it doesn't happen much anymore. Every once in a while a cashier will inform me of some sort of pregnancy/labor advice they think I can't live without.
So now that I am 2 days past my due date people are getting anxious. Everyday people want to be updated about how things are coming along. I find this to be pretty hard because even though I know everyone is just excited to meet my son I don't think people realize that I am excited to meet him as well. (actually I can pretty much guarantee that Shad and I are most excited!) So it is hard for me to answer everyday multiple times that nothing has changed and there are no signs of him making his debut anytime soon.
Hopefully soon though Charlie will decide the time is right and he is ready to come meet his family! Then we can move onto strangers giving me their parenting advice. :)
As a friend once said to another friend of mine. "Don't worry he is just waiting for his birthday!" ( I just wish I knew when it was!)
Thursday, December 1, 2011
waiting...
My son, Charlie, is due to be born in 3 days. So really I am just counting down the days till he decides to come meet us. Right now I am just waiting. I am no longer working so I spend a lot of time at home while my husband works and I have discovered that it is hard to be productive everyday. It is weird how when I spend most of my adult life working full time jobs I would always think "man it would be so nice to be able to not have to work..." but now that I am at home I find myself being bored and wishing I had something to do. I guess that is why I decided to start my blog. I have been thinking about starting one for a long time so I figured that with Charlie being born soon this might be a good way for my family who lives far away to keep up what my little family is doing. So just keep in mind if you read my blog that I am no writer. I am just doing this for fun.
Since this is my first blog I guess I will write a little about myself and what my hopes are for this blog.
I am have been married for over 2 years. We finally decided we were ready to have a baby nine months ago and were fortunate enough to get pregnant right away. Since then my husband (Shad) and I have been so excited to become new parents. I have always felt that my calling in life was to be a mom more than anything else. I am also a fan of photography. I was in school to be a photographer when I got pregnant. I knew that I would have to put my schooling on hold to be a mom but that was fine with me because like I said I have wanted to be a mom more than anything else. I do plan on putting my photography skills that I learned to practice while I am home taking care of Charlie. Hopefully that is something that I can share on here as well. I hope with this blog that I can share my adventures of being a new mom and trying to meld my "old life" with my new one.
I am so in love with my son already. Sometimes I think that I must be crazy because I don't feel scared for labor at all. I am actually really excited for it. I know that it will be painful but all I can think of is what it will be like the first time I see him. I find myself constantly wondering what he will look like and how I will feel when I see him for the first time. I think that helps me to not be scared of labor. I decided a long time ago that I wanted to go natural for delivery. I feel that at least once I want to know what it feels like to give birth.
In my opinion being pregnant is one of the most amazing experiences that we are given as women. My pregnancy has been one of the most incredible journey's of my life. To have created another human is an amazing feeling. I love feeling him move around in my belly and talking to him. Admittedly I have had a really easy pregnancy. No morning sickness or any of the bad pregnancy symptoms. So really anything difficult about my pregnancy has certainly been outweighed by all the good things that Charlie has already brought to Shad and I in our lives.
Well I could go on but I guess I will stop so I have something write about later! Until next time! I think I will end with one of my favorite quotes by Mother Theresa "Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing."
Since this is my first blog I guess I will write a little about myself and what my hopes are for this blog.
I am have been married for over 2 years. We finally decided we were ready to have a baby nine months ago and were fortunate enough to get pregnant right away. Since then my husband (Shad) and I have been so excited to become new parents. I have always felt that my calling in life was to be a mom more than anything else. I am also a fan of photography. I was in school to be a photographer when I got pregnant. I knew that I would have to put my schooling on hold to be a mom but that was fine with me because like I said I have wanted to be a mom more than anything else. I do plan on putting my photography skills that I learned to practice while I am home taking care of Charlie. Hopefully that is something that I can share on here as well. I hope with this blog that I can share my adventures of being a new mom and trying to meld my "old life" with my new one.
I am so in love with my son already. Sometimes I think that I must be crazy because I don't feel scared for labor at all. I am actually really excited for it. I know that it will be painful but all I can think of is what it will be like the first time I see him. I find myself constantly wondering what he will look like and how I will feel when I see him for the first time. I think that helps me to not be scared of labor. I decided a long time ago that I wanted to go natural for delivery. I feel that at least once I want to know what it feels like to give birth.
In my opinion being pregnant is one of the most amazing experiences that we are given as women. My pregnancy has been one of the most incredible journey's of my life. To have created another human is an amazing feeling. I love feeling him move around in my belly and talking to him. Admittedly I have had a really easy pregnancy. No morning sickness or any of the bad pregnancy symptoms. So really anything difficult about my pregnancy has certainly been outweighed by all the good things that Charlie has already brought to Shad and I in our lives.
Well I could go on but I guess I will stop so I have something write about later! Until next time! I think I will end with one of my favorite quotes by Mother Theresa "Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing."
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